| Special Agent | Last Missions | Weapon of Choice | Pet Hates | Special Skills | F.B.I. Stands For ... |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Frost | 1 poisoned, 1 in slow oven at Gas Mark 6 | Stalactite | Polar bears | Makes a wicked ice cube | Foxy Beyond Imagination |
| Quincy | 2 disembowelled, 3 embalmed, 1 in cold storage | Soft fruit | Wasps | Peels grapes blindfolded | Foxy Babes Institute |
| Hong Kong Phooey | 1 marinated, 1 No. 12 | Noodle lasso | Spare ribs | Gets animated | Free Beer Inspector |
| Purdey | 1 bobbed, 2 flicked | Heel | Lady Penelope | Absolutely fabulous ! | Flirtatious Boisterous Interrogator |
| Mulder | 1 abducted, 3 without batteries | Streptococcus | Penicillin | Telekinetically rots tomatoes | Foxy Birds Institute |
| Buffy | Once bitten, twice staked | HB pencil | Rubbers | Has a way with beige | Fun Babes Institute |
| Ironside | 4 run-over, 1 free parking space | Wheelchair | Tacks | "Brake"-dancing | Frenzied Barmy Impressionist |
| Marple | 6 in curlers, 1 incontinent | Hair-dryer | Hair extensions | Crochets guns | Flirtatious Babes Institute |
 Kojak |
2 boiled, 1 smoked | Lollipop | Sherbert dip | Loves babies | Fractious Blithering Idol |
| Starsky | 2 cable-knit, 3 permed | Huggies | Pampers | Doing the Bump with car roofs | Freaky Boiled Idiosyncratic |
 Columbo |
2 flashed, 1 at dry-cleaners | Pac-a-mac | Cigar butts | Dressing down | Fun Beyond Imagination |
| Scully | 3 in latex | Antique paper knife | Man at CIA | Clay muldering | Fiery Bottom Investigator |
 Clouseau |
2 katoed, 1 panthered | False moustache | Breaking wind in lifts | Wine storage | Farcical Bumbling Incompetent |
| Bergerac | 6 milked, 2 pasteurised | Bottle of claret | Birds pecking milk bottle tops | Makes casual tops for cows | Flirtatious Beyond Imagination |
| Tennison | 40-a-day | Poetry book | Snowdrops | Smirking | Fabulous Birds Institute |
